My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
