I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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