where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
