I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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