Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
