If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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