you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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