I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is my gift to your gina
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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