I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize