i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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