Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
