Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
