whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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