Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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