Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
