I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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