I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
