tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
