Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
