i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
