The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
