fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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