I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
