I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
