New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
