Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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