Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
