This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All the doctor said was why
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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