can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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