he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
