Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
