I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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