Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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