Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
