I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
