There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
