We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
tequila makes me forget i have legs
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize