i can't believe i had my finger in that
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
