They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
pray to the hookup gods
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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