i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just pee around me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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