your parents love me but you hate me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
