I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
