I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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