Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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