she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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