Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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