can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
