so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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