Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A bitchslap is in order.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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