Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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