I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
