he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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