thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize