Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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