an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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