so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
