Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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