have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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