My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize