bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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