forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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