I wanna bring you to show and tell
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
