Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize