Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
