were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
