its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize